I am the best wife. I am ALWAYS loving, slow to speak, uplifting and encouraging. I am patient with my husband and am always submissive, just as the Bible instructs me to. Did you believe me for even a split second? It would be very nice to be able to say that those things were true, but since I am human and forever going through a growth process, I will always be working towards them. The reality is that I am a loving wife, who does not always uplift my husband, who sometimes nags him to do certain things around the house or with the kids, and can sometimes be downright unappreciative. (Please note: I am not a horrible wife, I just felt the need to highlight some of the things that I need to work on from time to time. Don’t feel too sorry for Josh). 🙂
My husband and I have been married for roughly three and a half years. During these years we have had our good and bad days (thankfully, mostly good days). There are days when one of us fails to “keep the peace” in our home and allows silly emotions and comments to come out. I must admit, although I am sometimes the perpetrator, I truly dislike the feeling of not having peace in my home. It usually reminds me of failed relationships or marriages that I witnessed as a child–relationships of respected community leaders, church leaders, and family members, including my parents.
The question that sometimes comes to mind is “Will we last?” Ever feel that way? Ever feel like you will end up as another statistic? These thoughts come only from one place. Can you guess where? It sure isn’t from Heaven. God says this about marriage:
“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16 (NKJV)
“And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (The Message)
In a nut shell, WE ARE STUCK, so let’s get comfortable. 🙂 Hopefully you already had the desire to be with your husband forever before reading this. If you have doubts about the longevity of your marriage I encourage you to pray and allow God’s word and love to remind you of His thoughts on marriage. Counsel from a seasoned (God-loving and living) married couple is also a good way to help you during the evaluation of your marriage. Regardless of your situation, honor God and be a good wife.
So what is a good wife? Is it a woman who is always organized, knowing exactly what she is going to cook for dinner every day; a woman who keeps her house sparkly clean and smelling wonderful? Is it a woman who allows her husband to do and say whatever he pleases, even if she does not agree with what he is doing and saying? If THAT is a good wife, I am an extremely BAD one! Being the perfect wife is nearly impossible. We have so many responsibilities in our homes, not to mention in the community, that one cannot easily and always complete her checklist of things to do as a wife. Face it, we can do a LOT of things, but being a perfect wife 100% of the time is quite a challenge. As Believers, the best way to find an answer to something is to pray and seek God’s word. God’s word is not just some old lady’s from the neighborhood opinion, it is something that is forever constant and TRUE. So let’s see what it says a good wife is:
A Helper: Women are wired completely different than men. We are wired to be detail oriented. Some of the details that we were created to take care of are the general affairs of the family, house, and each member of the family, including your husband. Help him with his meals, his clothes, his business. Help him to de-stress after long days. Most of all, help him to be the best man God intended for him to be, naturally and spiritually. Genesis 2:18
A Respecter: Honor your husband through your words, your actions and your thoughts. Do this in his presence and absence. Respect his feelings, even when yours may have been compromised. This can be challenging, I often struggle with it and sometimes fail. All we can do is try our best. Ephesians 5:33
A Lover: Unconditionally love your husband–every part of him! Yes, he will have little quirks about him that annoy you (like smacking his food during dinner or making weird noises with his nose while he is sleeping) but love him anyway! Let’s not forget, serve your husband and let him serve you–HAVE SEX! You’re married and it’s allowed! That is a time to connect with your husband and offers benefits greater than just during that moment. In She Gets It!, my pastor’s wife says “The sexual exchange between a husband and wife is like oil that keeps their love fresh and tender and makes everything else in the marriage whole”. It’s something you both can enjoy; go have fun! Titus 2:4 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
A Submitter: Know your role! So often women forget the role of a wife and want to take over their husband’s role. Ephesians 5:23 says, “The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.” Who should be the leader of your marriage, home, and family? Your husband. You’re not the least bit inferior to your husband, but you should know that God has given man unique qualities and abilities to lead and you should let him do that. If it seems like your husband is lacking in areas of leadership, pray for him so he can fulfill his calling as the leader of the home. Colossians 3:18-19
Being married takes work and the work will never end. The work will never end because as we experience life, we change and as we change, our mates have to learn us and our ways. I have only been married a few years but can see that my husband and I communicate differently than we did when we first wed–thank goodness! I’m not perfect and can only be a good wife with the help of God. I’m learning that as I honor God and seek Him, loving and serving my husband gets easier and more rewarding.
Simple prayer to help you to be an even better wife:
Lord, help me to be a good wife. I fully realize that I don’t have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your battering ram of revelation. Give me a new heart and work in me Your love, peace, and joy (Galatians 5:22,23). I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me.
(excerpt from Stormie Omartian’s The Power of a Praying Wife)