The Mistake I Made In My Marriage

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marriagemistakeWhen I got married I was head-over-heels and very in love with my new husband. Being around him made me feel content and safe which helped me to know that I had married the man I was meant to be with for eternity. My goal was to do whatever I needed to keep my husband happy and keep our home nice and intact.

Everything I did revolved around my husband; not because he asked me to or demanded that of me, but because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I was ready to submit to my husband as Ephesians 5:22 instructs wives to do and be the Good Wife, or so I thought. The verse says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands as you do the Lord.” Sounds simple enough. I was so happy to be married to the man that I prayed for; submitting to and trusting my husband’s leadership was not difficult. The second part of Ephesians 5:22 instructs wives to continue submitting to the Lord. And surprisingly, it is with that part of the verse that I found myself struggling.

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From the beginning of my marriage I looked to my husband to provide me with a shoulder to cry on after I experienced rough days at work, to be excited about any and everything that I got excited about and to create my happy moments for me. I was practically looking for my husband to complete me. Some would say that that is not a bad thing. But let me tell you, that is one of the worst things any woman can do. Looking for my husband to be absolutely EVERYTHING to me was inconsiderate on my part and completely unfair to my husband (poor guy). There was no way he could live up to the demands and expectations that I created in my mind.

The Mistake: I made my husband my god.

In between me getting married and realizing that I had created ridiculous expectations, something terrible happened. I made a mistake in my marriage that could have caused the end of my happily ever after. I stopped looking to God and trusting him during my low moments. I failed to seek the Holy Spirit on what to do with my life and marriage. My marriage was seemingly going well, so I put my relationship with Christ on the back burner. It was almost as though I had mentally said “I’m happy, married, and living the life that I always wanted. I’m good God, see you when I see you!”

It took me a while to realize what was happening. When I saw that my level of happiness in my marriage was decreasing, I began losing a sense of who I was. Not to mention, I had recently had two children 14 months a part, so my world was flipped upside down, causing me to refocus my life and energy. (Read about my reaction to baby #2)

The Resolve: Reconnecting with God

I finally got to the place where I knew I had to look to the Holy Spirit for true companionship, satisfaction and eternal love. Throughout the Psalm 136 passage, it repeatedly states “His love endures forever”. What a relief it was once I remembered that God will love me forever. I had to remind myself that I loved Him long before I had ever known my husband. God’s love is greater than the love of any person could ever provide. A book called She Gets It!: The 11 Lies that Hold Women Hostage by Drenda Keesee also helped me to “snap out of it” and see myself as God saw me, valuable and loved, even without being associated with my husband. Never has any one book changed my life the way that She Gets It! did.

It is easy to get caught up and whisked away by new love, new endeavors and dreams, but one thing that I encourage you to do is to not lose sight of God and who you are in Him. No relationship–even after he puts a ring on it–or thing should take precedence of your relationship and love for Christ. We never stop growing and learning in marriage. If you have made a marriage mistake or make one in the future, know that you can redeem yourself. You can overcome, through Christ. Through love.

What marriage advice would you give a newly married woman?

 

Marriage Resources that have helped me:

She Gets It!: The 11 Lies that Hold Women Hostage

The 5 Love Languages The Secret to Love That Lasts by Chapman, Gary D [Northfield Publishing,2009] (Paperback)

Team Us: Marriage Together (Read my review of this book HERE)

 

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  • Sarah E.

    This is a great read, Teri!! Very transparent and helpful!! I’m recently out of the newly wed zone, but some advice I’d give is to definitely put your family/spouse first but not forgetting those relationships and ties of girlfriends and mentors that were always there for you. Those individuals will be critical when you and your husband’s schedules aren’t lining up or just for a break away time!!

  • Hi!! Here from Typeaparent :).

    I’d encourage newlyweds to learn each other’s love language, and intentionally learn not just to speak it, but to RECEIVE it :).

  • mommywifelife1

    Thanks for stopping by! I agree–that’s why I always recommend Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages” to couples.

  • mommywifelife1

    Thank you Sarah! I couldn’t agree more. It is easy to neglect those relationships once married, but you will always need someone else to chat with besides your hubby. And girls’ nights are a MUST for me! 😉

  • Rachelle Paige

    Wonderful post. I love the illustration of a triangle. Both couples should look up to be truly connected.

  • mommywifelife1

    Thank you! That IS a beautiful illustration. It is the only thing that guarantees a successful relationship.

  • Hmmm, yes, great post! A friend of my husband’s always says “I am Third,” to show that God is first, his wife is second, and he is third. We do need to keep perspective on our relationships! 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

  • mommywifelife1

    Thank you! That is a great way to look at marriage. Thank you for stopping by!

  • Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share. Great post.